Rants!

Life is not without its unpleasantries (like bad spelling, or leaving the cap off the toothpaste, or people that drive the speed limit in the fast lane, etc). But without bad things, there'd be no good. This section is dedicated to the bad things that make life a living hell.

Things I Hate

Saying "you know what I mean?" after mumbling an incomplete or incoherent thought. Or any of that messed up slang that doesn't convey any form of message and expecting it to be remotely funny to somebody.

Reality TV shows: "Hey look I got $20K and a camera and tons of people that are dying to be on TV. I'm going to produce a network TV show that screws everyone over except me and the network which will make millions." Oh, and the fact that people can't seem to get enough of them. The phrase "Vast Wasteland" applies especially well these days. Lame drama staged or sparked by the producers in reality TV shows. "There are seven people in the house, but we only have 6 chairs for them to sit in...." Ooooo what a plot! I'd rather be forced to watch a She's The Sheriff -- no wait -- Small Wonder marathon on TV Land Clockwork Orange style.

Live Journal Drama: While LJ itself would be in the "Raves" section, the drama that ensues on it goes here.

Unexplained OS X crashes! (Happily, I can't remember the last time OS X had a kernal panic. And I haven't been able to crash the latest update...yet! I'm pretty sure there hasn't been one this year. of wait that's a rave! Well, maybe I'll move this there sometime...

Movie Hall of Shame

Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter

      I "friend" lent me this movie and just said "It's funny." with no other warning. What I got was about an hour and a half or so of the lamest piece of crap I've ever had the pleasure of seeing. The production values are somewhere below $1,000 I'm pretty sure. The writing is lame. The acting is non-existant or it comes from the William Shatner School of Trying to Over Act

But I'm not being entirely fair. I laughed: twice -- the talking dessert and the first fight scene, which was so incredibly bad it was funny. But then it went on and on and I was so sick when it was over. Then there were a few more lame attempts.

I didn't think it was possible to get negative stars, but this one gets about -5 stars. And the "friend" received a tongue lashing, and got off easy in my opinion. I told her I'd watch it again as long as she was there enduring it too. Who knows maybe drunk it's good? My recommendation: get very very drunk to watch this past the first minute.

The Matrix: Reloaded:

      There was and still is so much hype about this movie that virtually anything would fall short. This movie was just more of the same. They even did the exact same freeze frame shot in about the same place in the movie where the camera rotates around the actors right before the hit. From that point on the movie just slides into ridiculousness. The whole part where Neo takes of hundreds of Agent Smiths just made me laugh. The whole "Superman" thing just had me shaking my head.
Oh and to top it off, we were told in the first movie that Neo can defy the rules of the Matrix's reality. If that were true he'd be able to be at two places at a time, wouldn't he? Couldn't he just overwrite an Agent or other sentient AI with his own consciousness? Well, I guess we'll find out how he's going to save everyone with The Matrix: Revolution This fall. I give this movie two and a half out of five stars, and three out of five poops: making this moive a good piece of crap. It's worth a rental, if you're out of other movies.

The Matrix: Revolution:

     

Dumb and Dumberer:

      Dumb and Dumberer has none of the spark the original had, it's missing Jim Carey and that other guy, what was it Jeff? These guys were decent at their job, and they certainly could pass for younger versions of Carey and Daniels but they just didn't have the chops of the original team. Anyway, the laughs per minute (lpm) ratio was very low in this movie, like 1/5. Whereas the original had a 1/1 or 2/1 ratio. I guess on the good side,this movie was less disgusting as the last one, but it had a definite ring of The Bad News Bears plotline -- bad kids do good at the end. All in all this movie gets two stars and three piles of shit, making this movie an okay piece of shit. Don't bother renting it, just wait for it to hit Starz or (if you have it) Showtime/HBO.